Crowded Tacos and Human Beans

Another week with little to say. Naoko came over and chilled for a couple of days, which was nice, but I worked both days so yeah...

On Saturday I hit up 5150 for Tacos and Motown night. The Motown was pretty much nonexistent, and the tacos were... Well, let's just say I paid 1,500 yen (about 20 bucks) for one beer and a taco bar that was almost completely blocked by people sitting in the way and wasn't that good anyway. I had one taco. But whatever. 

It was WAY more crowded than I expected. I have never seen 5150 that crowded. I didn't like it, and neither did Mac. Part of the reason I go there is because it's more chill than most bars. It did, however, give me a chance to talk to a couple of JETs from South Africa. We had some interesting conversation topics such as the fact that it is apparently rare for people to be able to recognize a South African accent (I always thought that it was normal since I can do it. I am now curious where I picked up this skill since I have only talked to one or two other South African people in my whole life), the fact that both of them know about 6 languages because of how many languages are stuffed into the same place in their hometowns, the awesomeness that is their native languages (even though they're pretty much the same, they're a different dialect. Apparently there's about 3 "root" languages in the region, so a different dialect can quite literally be a different language or just a different pronunciation. Crazy. Also, Mac and I are both unable to do the tongue click that is part of their language. I tried. I tried so hard. Nothing.), and which kinda chunky celebrity we would have sex with. What? It was a group of about six guys talking over tacos and beer. Wipe that disappointed look off your face and replace it with one of amazement as you realize that only one of our topic conversations involved sex.

Since trains stop here crazy early, Mac crashed at my place. Next day we got some grub, talked a bit, then he headed home.

Monday, I made myself proud. Which is a rare occurrence. Think back over the 7 months I've been making this blog. How many times have I been proud of myself? Yeah, I bet you're excited to find out what amazing thing I did. I bought two bus tickets. Yes, I know that's not awesome, screw you. The things that make me happy are weird and I take them when I can get them. I walked into a travel agency scared and feeling bad that I would be holding up a line full of people while I stumbled through my lines and struggled to understand the travel agent. What proceeded was a fully functional and fluent conversation wherein I didn't once find myself unable to express myself or understand what she was saying. I finished faster than the person to my right that started before me, and the tickets actually go to the place I want to go to on the time I want to go there. This is officially one of the only times I have not felt like a complete invalid in Japanese society. Oh man, that's a rant. Can I resist the rant? Nope, failed saving throw, here I go.

Extremely rare circumstances like the one mentioned above, I think the thing that is bothering me the most about living here is the way people treat me because I don't speak Japanese that well. There's this magical thing that people do when you don't speak their language: they treat you like an idiot. When you ask a question, they don't answer it directly. They start at the bottom, because obviously you aren't able to understand a simple explanation without help. For example, I might ask someone what the word "inu" (dog) means. They will then proceed to inform me that there are these things called animals, and that there are many different kinds of animals, people sometimes buy some of these animals and take care of them, and so on and so on before they finally just say "they're the animals that have four legs, a tail, and bark. People have them as pets." 

Every. Single. Step. Along this magical fucking journey to enlightenment is accompanied by them checking to see if I understand. Sometimes a nod or an "okay" will get me by. Sometimes this triggers them re-explaining what they just explained because I obviously didn't understand it. Now, it's not like this happens constantly. If that was the case, this rant would have come much earlier. Instead, it happens with just enough frequency to really get under my skin. Oh, and don't even try to say "nevermind". They won't let it go. Ever. I need to be given the gift of knowledge because me no understand words make head hurt. -.-

Everyone does it, and I am fully convinced that most hold no malice and don't even realize what they are doing. They want to help, and they are doing what they think will let them do that. They just don't realize that they're doing it in the most patronizing and infuriating way possible, and my Japanese isn't good enough to explain to them how much it bothers me and why (irony much?). My friends do this, my coworkers do this, random strangers do this, even Naoko does it sometimes. That one's the real kicker for me, by the way. The one that really clinches this as something that bothers me. Random stranger does it? Annoying, but whatever. Friend does it? Not the first time a friend has annoyed me. Naoko does it? Ouch. Okay, that hurts. The whole process just makes me not want to ask questions. It has, however, made me very direct with my students because I don't want to do the same to them. They ask a question, I'm sure to answer it like I would to someone who already knows the background info. If they need more explanation, they ask me and I give it to them. Do any ESL (English as a second language) speakers you know a favor and do the same for them; I bet they'll appreciate it.

Random Shit:

1.) Watched the new Studio Ghibli movie on dvd with Naoko while she was over (Ariete or something like that? Has it come out in the states already? It's about tiny people). The subtitles were... interesting. Absolutely flawless except for the fact that we are all apparently "human beans". Not beings. That would be crazy. What's really confusing is that one of the translators had a distinctly Western name. Maybe they were actually using "bean" in some kind of "look, they're different and don't know what to actually call us." I was talking to Naoko, so I didn't really pay much attention to the Japanese... Anyways, pretty damn "meh" overall. Nothing great about that movie.

2.)

Naoko's adorableness is apparently not limited to just me. She made this for her mom. So cute. I like how the middle one is so happy its eyes are imploding.

3.) Stopping by the convenience store with Mac on Sunday, I saw gourmet Cheetos. You better believe I bought that shit hella fast. They were also meh. I would have preferred normal Cheetos.

Parental Sneak Attacks and Revoked Mancards

Short post this week because I really don't have much to say.

So, on Saturday I was definitely expertly maneuvered into surprise-meeting Naoko's parents. It went a little something like this:

Email from Naoko: "Hey, you busy tonight?"
Email from me: "Nope, what's up?"
Naoko: "Want to get some dinner?"
Me: "Sure, sounds good."
Naoko: "Oh yeah, my parents are going to be there. And my older brother. :D :D :D :D"
Me: O.o

This was also while I was at work, so I didn't even really have time to mentally brace myself for it. In her defense, I have expressed interest in meeting them before because I can tell it's important to her, but damn, that's messed up yo.

Dinner went... about as well as you could expect when meeting your girlfriend's family for the first time and you don't speak their language all that well. Oh, to make things worse there was a big ol' vent in between us that made hearing and seeing each other difficult (we were at a yakuniku place, the vent is for the smoke). I don't think I made a bad impression though, and her brother wants to hang out with me. Also, yakuniku. Fuck yeah.

That's... yeah, pretty much it. On Monday night, I went to 5150 to meet up with Mika and study for a few hours. Yeah, that's how cool I am! I go to bars to study! You're hanging out with the big dogs now! God, I'm a sad, sad man...

Random shit:
1.) This is first because it is weighing on my mind currently in a very uncool fashion. I feel like I'm not travelling enough here. I mean, I know I've done a lot in the 7 months I've been here, but very little of it actually involved the travel I was so positive I would do while here. The only places I've been to that are more than a half an hour from Matsue are Hiroshima and Kyoto. I just... I don't know, there's like this amalgamation of factors that have all formed together to make a supermutant of "fuck you Thomas, you don't travel". Everything here is expensive, and I need to save money for things like student loan repayments and eventually going to grad school. I don't seem to have any time off, and when I do have time off, it's on the vacation weeks that EVERYONE in Japan has off (which means prices are higher and there are too many people). I can request time off, but I don't plan ahead that well, and I need to have things all set up. Speaking of planning, I'm ridiculously bad at planning trips here because I'm not good enough at Japanese to feel confident while doing it. I now have to factor Naoko into any trip I make. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind this at all, but it does make it more difficult to accomplish. I am, by nature, a pretty sedentary dude. I don't even know how I motivated myself to come to Japan in the first place. On my weekend, I want to kick back and relax. The list goes on and on. I can rationalize to myself why I haven't done it, but when it comes down to it, I've been in Japan for 7 months and I've visited maybe a half a dozen cities of any note. This bothers me.
2.)

Are you ready for another episode of "What Adorable and Thoughtful Thing did Naoko do This Week?"? You better be, cause you're getting one. At Open Mic a few months back, I mentioned off-hand that I really liked one of the snacks we were eating. Apparently, she's been trying to find some ever since. She got it for me and left it hanging on my door for when I got home. 

3.)

I really wish this picture was better, but it was taken on my camera while going home for lunch. Remember when I mentioned those low clouds before? This is kind of what I was talking about. Normally there's big hills on the horizon.

4.)

I... I ate this for lunch. I feel dirty admitting that. You see, Naoko always talks about how worried she is that I don't eat healthy, and it kind of makes me feel bad, so lately I've been making a conscious effort to eat better. I was grocery shopping on Monday and I thought to myself "well, I could buy some meat and a beer for lun- ohlooksalads." and then I grew a vagina. True story. I need to find things to do for Naoko that don't involve me revoking my already-revoked mancard...

5.) Partially as an attempt to regain some manhood and grow some hair on the ample bosom that has sprouted from my chest due to my recent girlyness, I bought some weights finally. Of course, it's freaking Japan so they cost a ridiculous amount. About 75 bucks for 40 pounds of weights. aka, twice what it should be. I need to buy some more, but seeing as how I only have a bike, I thought it wise to do that in a few trips. Maybe this weekend I'll pick some up.

Molester Chairs and Ghost Cats

This week was not overly eventful, but some cool stuff happened. Work was pretty busy as usual, but on Saturday I went to a bar with Naoko. Now, she's not a drinker, and she doesn't like clubs, but one of her work buddies was DJing for the last time at this place, so she wanted to go. Apparently she told me last week, but I forgot because of my shitty memory so I was a little caught off guard by it. Like everything here, it was expensive (3,000 yen for the two of us), and it was SUPER fucking crowded. When we first showed up, it was kind of mild. But an hour in, and it was difficult to even move through the main room. Doesn't help that the place was tiny. The actual bar portion probably had about four or five feet of space between the bar and the far wall, and there was a little side room for music and dancing (which no one was really doing). We ended up leaving early, but not before I got the distinctly uncomfortable pleasure of meeting a bunch of Naoko's friends and coworkers. They were all really excited to meet me, and a few of them even spoke some English. Problem is, we would have had trouble communicating under ideal circumstances. The bar had loud music, too many people pushing by, and alcohol. Yeah, it was tough.

Here's an awesome house-face we saw on the way to the bar. It's actually a coffee shop. Too bad, it would be an awesome place to live. Right next to the river in "downtown" Matsue, too.

The next day got all kinds of messed up. Naoko loves schedules, you see, so I went entirely against my nature and wrote out a schedule (two, actually. One if it rained, and one if it didn't) for the day. Of course, said schedule assumed I would be having my weekly DnD Skype game. Well, it got cancelled. At first I thought this ruined my plans, because my schedule didn't start until 5, and now we had all day. Luckily, Naoko solved this problem by sleeping ALL FUCKING DAY. This woman has an amazing talent to be tired all the time forever. I think she's a superhero with the worst superpower ever. Anyways, she actually said she felt too tired to do the plan I had made in the first place, so we just winged it anyways (and ended up doing most of my scheduled stuff regardless...) We went and had waffles because we both really wanted them, and they were freaking delicious in my mouth. Then we went by the department store to pick up some supplies for making pizza (more on that later) and ate ice cream. More delicious. Triple scoop delicious, actually, since they were having this insane promotion where they charge you their ridiculous amount for two scoops, give you a third for free, and act like you should be thankful you just paid six dollars for three tiny scoops of ice cream. Man, I hate prices over here. Know what makes me happier, though?

Happy chairs that are happy. Seriously, when a chair is fucking grinning like that despite having to deal with peoples' asses being all up in its grill 24/7, you know things aren't all bad. Or that chairs have an ass fetish. One of the two. Oh god, what have I done? I can never sit in one of those chairs now. Seriously, look at that picture with the idea in your head that the chair would totally get off on you sitting on it. Now ask yourself if you would willingly place your delicate, unprotected cheeks on that lustful, lime-green ass-grabber. The beady little eyes on those bastards just scream "you'll get in trouble too if you tell anyone." Right, I just exchanged being mad at money to being terrified of sex offender chairs. I'm so entirely sane it hurts.

After the chair sex den, we went to the park/temple/whatever near Matsue Castle. See, I've never actually taken a walk around there and a really wanted to. It was nice, with lots of pretty nature, but nothing spectacular. I think I might jog there once I get back into a jogging routine. The thing that really struck me was the insane number of cats there. We went around late dusk, and I think I saw around 50 cats during our visit. At first it was funny, then, as it got darker, a little creepy. They would just sit there in bunches of 3-5 and stare at us as we walked by. Most of the time we didn't even notice them until we were super close. I did manage to successfully scare Naoko numerous times intentionally and absolutely terrify her twice unintentionally. The intentional ones were just me saying random words in front of the word for ghost in the most ludicrously cheesed-up ghost voice ever. She actually finds it frightening, which I find hilarious. Because I'm an awful person. The first unintentional time she said something and I stopped and said "wait!" in mock indignation. She nearly fell over. Guess that was sign 1 she was a bit jumpy and scared (let's ignore all the times she said the place was creepy). The second time it was a bit darker and I pointed quickly to a cat and said "cat!" because it was adorable and running into the bushes. She hit me after that one.

Anyways, we got back and made pizza! See my mom is awesome and sent me this little mini cooker thing with some dough mix and pizza sauce back in like April. I'm lazy, so it took this long to make it. The pizza was good, but I didn't cook it quite long enough, so it was a bit doughy...

Random Shit:
1.)

Saturday was an interesting day. For breakfast, I had mutant eggs and toast. Not gonna lie, I was a little unsettled about eating the wonder twins egg, but I was hungry.

After that, I saw this little guy in my stairwell. He looked at me funny.

3.) Something I forgot last time. I recontracted with the company for a year last week (as was planned when I left), but first they gave me my feedback and stuff. One of the things my head teacher said to me, and I'm not kidding when I say this was a direct quote, was "No one hates you. That's a good thing." I... well, I mean, yeah, that's a good thing, but I mean really? I did got positive feedback, but that just struck me as the weirdest thing.

Resurrected Blogs and Inappropriate Metaphors

Okay. So, yeah. Been a while. What's happened since my last post? Well, not much, really. Just one of the myriad reasons for my inexcusable laxness when it comes to actually keeping you guys informed. It didn't really occur to me that this absence would bother people, but I've been contacted by a couple of people, so I'll do my best to update at a more constant rate again from now on.

Let's see, where did I leave off? I think the end of Golden Week. The last day (I think) of Golden Week, I went to Unnan City with Naoko and a few friends. We went hiking, had some delicious lunch, and visited an old iron foundry (although that term is a bit misleading. It was mainly just one building and most of the stuff was belowground where we couldn't see it.) It was really nice. I've been wanting to go hiking since I got here. I've done a few minor treks on my own, but it wasn't really what I would call hiking. To be honest, this wasn't either, but it was at least a bit closer. We went to Dragon's Head Falls, which was a little bit crowded.

I like this picture because it looks like we're tilting the earth. Makes me kinda dizzy if I look at it long enough.

Group picture, yay!

There's bears in them thar hills!

This was the actual waterfall. Nothing amazingly impressive, but it was still pretty.

I climbed up behind it and got some more pictures!

We were supposed to climb Mt. Daisen the weekend after that (or maybe two weekends after?), which would have been real hiking. I even bought hiking boots and everything. Unfortunately, this is the rainy season in Japan. This fact completely caught me off guard by the way. Anyways, we got rained out on our planned day. Oh well. Someday I'll actually get to go to Daisen. Instead, Naoko and I went to see the fourth Pirates movie. It was pretty awful, but I can console myself with the fact that I figured it would be going in. There were actually three things that were of note about it though.

1.) This was my first time going to a movie theater in Japan.

2.) The tickets cost 2,200 yen a pop (for a 3D show). That means I spent about $55 for two tickets to a overwhelmingly average movie. Wow, that hurts even more when I see it in writing.

3.) I officially felt homesick for the first time. Not the occasional little "I miss Chipotle" or "man, it'd be cool to go see my friends right now" that I get on a weekly basis. Something about Yonago, the rainy night, or the movie theater was just way too much like home. I was full-on despondent and confused for an entire evening. It was unnerving and I didn't like it. Next morning it was gone though.

Okay, I'm no sure that was the weekend before this most recent one, which means I don't really remember what I did on the weekend after Golden Week at all. I'm almost positive I sat at home and did nothing. See, this is why I need to update this thing more often. You people know how bad my memory is, why didn't you say something sooner?! Jerks...

So, this weekend I did very little as well. It was raining again on Sunday, and on Monday it was kind of misty and I swear there were huge globs of water just floating in the air. Something really cool I've noticed about this weather: the clouds here are really low. We have some small mountains (really just slightly larger than normal hills, honestly) around here, and the tops of them are covered in clouds recently. I need to remember to take a picture of it, because it's beautiful. And I need to climb to the top of one of them, because I want to be inside of a mother fucking cloud. I bet that shit's cottony as hell. Sorry... no idea where that came from. I always see the clouds when I'm on lunch break or something, so it's tough to get a picture.

On Sunday, Naoko and I did a bit of shopping, and I saw this awesome monster mask in one of the makeup shops she took me to.

Something tells me it actually has something to do with makeup, but I choose to believe that women put this on their face and pretend to be monsters. That's probably way cooler than what it's actually used for anyways.

We also visited a few thrift stores trying to find used weights (since weights here are ridiculously fucking expensive). We found no weights, but we did see some awesome stuff like "Let's Beer". I can't argue with you, box, you're so persuasive. Also, Naoko has officially confirmed there are Magic cards in Japan. Her brother used to collect them.

Just when you thought it couldn't get any better, Let's Beer Great hits the scene! What's so great about it? It's Engrish and beer combined! How was this thrift store not a smoking crater irradiated with awesomonium? Why was I not bitten by a radioactive beer bottle and turned into awesomeman immediately upon entering the vicinity? WHY DIDN'T I BUY THIS THING?!

After that, we went shopping with Masashi. He wanted me to visit a few shops that his friends owned. A couple of clothes stores, to be precise. The first one had shirts that cost 7,000 yen (almost $100) and the second one didn't have much of interest to me, but had some interesting handmade leather stuff. That being a bust and all, we went to an onsen. It's my second time being to one, and this one was much larger than the one before. It was refreshing, but once again I get really light headed. This time I actually kind of fell over, but I passed it off as saying I thought the step was lower down then I thought. I'm still distinctly uncomfortable getting naked around a bunch of people, especially since I actually knew one of them this time, but I found a couple of tricks to get over it. Trick 1: Don't really think about the fact that you're getting naked. Sounds weird, but I just kind of let the thought slip from my mind every time it cropped up, and somehow that worked. Trick 2: Don't let your eyes focus on anything, even if you think it's safe. See, the thing about an onsen, especially a crowded one, is that it is, in reality, nothing more than a steamy jungle of hairy man-dong. You can't avoid this. You're going to see some, and you should just count yourself lucky that it's not leaping from the bushes like a tiger to mangle you and leave you weeping in a corner. But we're all big kids, and seeing another man's dangly bits in passing isn't going to kill us. However, if you're focusing on something that you happen to think is a safe area and it is suddenly invaded by a flopping Donkey Kong (I am amazed an endlessly amused that that works as a euphemism for penis), that shit is kind of unnerving. Just learn to not really look at anything, and you'll be fine. I lack pictures of this visit for obvious reasons.

After that, Masashi took us to an all-you-can eat yakiniku place that only costs 1,600 yen per person (20 bucks a head. Yes, that is cheap here).

Happy Yakiniku was happy! :D

Random Shit:

 1.)

I would feel remiss in my duties as that annoying guy that won't shut the hell up about his girlfriend if I didn't remind you that Naoko is, indeed, still adorable. She drew this. Except the ghost. That was all me. She also sat semi-patiently through a DnD session I had over Skype, and drew some more pictures for my fellow nerds.

Hello from Japan!

This is Danielle. I'm pretty sure it means Naoko thinks she's ugly. Trust me on this one, I know what I'm talking about.

Here's Ryan. Apparently Naoko remembers him for having good teeth and showing her a cat.

And this... well, this is Damon. This picture was originally much more flattering, but I made the comment that he looked kind of angry (he really did). Thus, Naoko prettied him up and made him into a China Baby. The shirt is her interpretation of his zombie Mona Lisa shirt.

2.) One of my students recently informed me that she refers to me as "Tomuo" when she talks about me (wait, she talks about me? Why?). See, many Japanese male names end with "o", and "Tomu" is how you say Tom in Japanese, because you can't just end on a consonant unless it's an "n". Now, this is something I am almost 100% positive you don't know about me, but I actually like nicknames. I've had exactly three actual nicknames (aka, ones that weren't just randomly made up and used for one night) in my entire life. One was given to me when I was super young while at a playground. I don't remember where it was, why I was there, how long I was there, or who I was there with, but I know it wasn't one I normally went to. I spent maybe an hour playing with this kid there, and he decided that my nickname was "T" after expressing his amazement over the fact that I did not previously have a nickname. I know this flies in the face of the addendum I started this list with, what with the whole only being used for an hour thing, but the guy happened to be black. Yeah, that's probably racist, but I don't even care. It legitimizes the nickname. It's like getting  a clean bill of health from a doctor. Some people just have the authority to certify these things. The little homie even checked it out with his mom, who give it her approval (I'm not even joking, one of the only things I remember about this kid is he was the littlest gangster I've ever seen). The second "nickname" was actually a number of nicknames all given to me by James playing off the original nickname Eddison (yes, another exception by bundling them all into one, but they're all from the same source). Now my third is Tomuo. I am collecting these things and hoarding them like gold, because they're interesting and I can't figure out why I like them.

Huh, in retrospect this is probably the most bizarre post I've written to date. I was only paying attention to half of it, but I'm pretty sure I wrote an entire paragraph about onsen man-dong. Sorry mom.